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Thread: MARRIAGE LIfe....

  1. #1
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    Question MARRIAGE LIfe....

    assalam alaikum to all...

    I`m getting married in a couple of months...

    i heard from someone that if on Nikkah night... nothing happens between husband and wife then the valima will not be jayaz...

    is this true or not.... ????

    pls try to enlighten me.....!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and always show me some threads related to marriage life in islam....~~!!!!~~

    thanks in advance...

    allah hafiz...

  2. #2
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    Arrow Various aspects related to Walima (marriage feast) in detail?

    Aauzo Billaahi Minash Shaitaan Nir Rajim Bismillaah Hir Rahman Nir Raheem ;

    Allah - Beginning With The Name Of - The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.



    As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم)


    In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

    May Allah bless your marriage Dear Ayub and bestow upon your wives and children who are tranquil and pleasure to your eyes.

    May Allah make you a source of reward for your parents, and make your children a source of reward for you in the Hereafter. Ameen.



    Brother, the question of husband and women rights in a marriage is so vast and varied, that it would require a full book if one was to list all the rights due from the husband to the wife in all circumstances, and the rights due from a wife to the husband. It is almost impossible to list the rights in this small article. Therefore, we will try to give you an overview of the Quranic principles and foundations of the rights and responsibilities that are required by the husband and the wife in an Islamic marriage.

    Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228:Wives have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. And men are a degree above them; and above all is Allah, the All Mighty, All Wise.

    Islam has given both man and woman certain rights, responsibilities and duties according to their nature. All the financial responsibilities of the household is the responsibility of the man. Even if his wife is a millionaire, she is not required to spend a penny of it on the household, if she does not wish to. It is the responsibility of the man to provide for her food, clothing and shelter according to his means.

    Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:Men are the managers of the affairs of women because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because men spend of their wealth on women. Virtuous women are , therefore, obedient (to their husbands); and they guard in his absence what Allah would have them guard (their honor, their property, etc.)

    In Islam, each family can be considered a small State, and Allah has appointed the man as the leader of the state, because of certain natural qualities and because they provide for the family from their means. But having been given the position of a leader in Islam does not mean that the man becomes an arrogant and oppressive dictator like the leaders of the world! In Islam, when one is made a leader, his duty is to fear Allah, and serve, protect and maintain harmony in his state, by being a just, benevolent, and a loving servant-leader.

    Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21: And of Allah’s Sign is that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.

    Allah himself says that he has created the relationship of husband and wife, so that we may find peace and tranquility in this relationship. And Allah has put love and mercy between the spouses, in this sacred relationship of marriage. But this love, respect, harmony, peace and tranquility can only be experienced if both the husband and wife fear and obey Allah Subhanah, and give all the rights that are due to their spouses.

    It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said in an authentic narration: ‘The whole is a provision (from Allah), and the best of the provisions is a righteous wife.”

    Thus, in conclusion, what is required for a peaceful and loving marriage and a good wholesome life, is first and foremost the fear of Allah Subhanah; that one day everyone will have to stand alone in the Court of Allah Subhanah to give a full accounting of all his deeds. Once this God-consciousness and piety is developed in the person, he will always try to obey Allah and thus do all his deeds in the best manner, giving each the rights that are due to them.

    Q-1: What are the right of mine towards her paremts/relatives.
    You have to give the same rights and respect that you give to your parents and relatives, to your wife’s parents and relatives. You must feel a sense of honor and consider it a favor that these people have raised this woman, given sacrifices, spent on her, loved her, cherished her, taught her, educated her… and when she reached an age, they presented this lady to you in marriage! You must thus honor them and respect them, just as you respect your own parents and relatives.

    And if you can do that, your wife will treat your parents and your relatives in the same manner as you treat hers… resulting in a loving and caring environment and marriage.

    Q-2: Is it must to have sex on the same night after nikah or before valim.
    As soon as the ‘nikaah’ ceremony is performed, the man and woman become husband and wife, and it becomes legal to go to each other. There is no such obligation in Islam, that one has to have conjugal relations with the wife immediately after nikaah or before or after the walima feast. The couple are legal for each other and they can have conjugal relations whenever they want.

    Q-3: i heard people saying to have sex is must before valima.
    There is no such injuction in the Holy Quran or the Sunnah of the Messenger (saws). You may have conjugal relations with your wife anytime after nikaah. It is upto you and your wife and no one else!
    The Five Pillars of Islam (arkān-al-Islām أركان الإسلام; also arkān ad-dīn أركان الدين "pillars of the religion") are five basic acts in Islam.

    The Qur'an presents them as a framework for worship and a sign of commitment to the faith. They are (1) the shahada (creed), (2) daily prayers (salat), (3) fasting during Ramadan (sawm), (4) almsgiving (zakāt), and (5) the pilgrimage to Mecca (hajj) at least once in a lifetime.


  3. #3
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    Arrow Walima (marriage banquet)

    The Arabic word Walima (marriage banquet) is derived from the root word Walam, which literally means to gather and assemble. The Arabs used it for a meal or feast where people were invited and gathered. Later, the term became exclusive for the wedding banquet.

    The Arabs used different terms for the various feasts they enjoyed. For example: al-I’zar on the occasion of a child’s circumcision, al-Khurs for a marriage not ending in divorce, al-Wakira on building a new home, al-Naqi’ah when a traveller returns home, al-Aqiqah on the seventh day after childbirth, al-Ma’duba for a general meal without any specific reason, etc. (See: Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/300 & Ibn Qudamah, al-Mugni, 7/1)

    The marriage feast (walima) is a Sunna of our beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). It is an outward expression of gratitude and pleasure and a great means of publicising the marriage, which has been greatly encouraged.

    Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) saw a yellow mark on Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (Allah be pleased with) and said: “What’s this?” He replied: “I have married a woman with the dowry being gold to the weight of a date-stone.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “May Allah bless you (in your marriage), perform a Walima, even if it is only with a goat.” (Sahih al-Bukhari,no. 4872)

    The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself provided a Walima after many of his marriages. He provided meat and bread on the occasion of his marriage with Zaynab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her), Hays (a type of sweat-dish cooked with dates, cheese & butter) on the occasion of his marriage with Safiyya (Allah be pleased with her) and barley on another occasion. (See: Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

    Thus, it is a Sunna and strongly recommended to have a Walima. Ibn Qudamah, the great Hanbali Imam, states in his renowned al-Mugni:

    “There is no difference of opinion between the scholars, in that Walima is a prescribed Sunnah at the time of marriage, for the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) ordered it and himself practiced it…..It is not necessary (wajib) in the opinion of most of the scholars.” (al-Mugni, 7/1-2)

    The time of Walima

    The scholars have disagreed as to the correct time of this Walima. There are many opinions. For example:

    1) At the time of the marriage contract,

    2) After the marriage contract and before consummation of marriage,

    3) At the time of the wedding procession (bride leaving for her husband’s house) (Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/287)

    However, the majority of the scholars (jumhur) are of the opinion that Walima is a meal that is prepared after the marriage has been consummated. This was the practice of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), as explicitly mentioned in one narration.

    Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he was a boy of ten when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) migrated to Madina. (He added): “My mother and aunts used to urge me to serve the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) regularly, thus I served him for ten years. When the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) passed away, I was twenty years old, and I knew about the order of Hijab more than anyone else, when it was revealed. It was revealed for the first time when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) had consummated his marriage with Zainab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in the morning was a bridegroom, and he invited the people to a banquet. So they came, ate, and then all left except a few who remained with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) for a long time….. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4871)

    Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) consummated his marriage with a woman (Zainab), so he sent me to invite people for a meal.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4875)

    The great Hadith master (hafidh), Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (Allah have mercy on him) states:

    “The Hadith of Anas (quoted above) is clear in determining that Walima is considered to be after the consummation of marriage.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/199. Also see: I’la al-Sunan, vol. 10, p. 11)

    It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

    “The marriage banquet (walima) is a Sunna and there is great reward in it. And it is carried out when the marriage is consummated.” (al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 5/343)

    Having said this, scholars mention that there is also scope in following the other opinions, thus if one had a Walima before consummation, it is hoped that one will gain the reward of Sunna, Insha Allah.

    How many days?

    The Hanafi jurists (fuqaha) are of the opinion that, a banquet up to two days will be considered to be a Walima, after which it will no longer be considered a Walima.

    It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

    “There is nothing wrong in inviting people the next day after consummation or the day after. After that, marriage and Walima celebrations will come to an end.” (5/343)

    It has also been reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) that he stated: “Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 3738)

    Although scholars mention that if there is a need, such as not being able to invite everybody on one day, then it will not be wrong to invite them on separate days.

    Who should be invited?

    Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) states: “The worst food is that of a wedding banquet (walima) to which only the rich are invited whilst the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4882)

    It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

    “It is recommended to invite neighbours, relatives and friends.” (5/343)

    Thus, one should invite family-members, relatives, friends, associates, scholars and pious people and others. It is wrong to invite only rich people or those who are regarded to be from the upper-class.

    Accepting a Walima invitation

    Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “If one of you is invited to a wedding banquet (walima), then he must accept the invitation.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4878)

    Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Accept this (marriage) invitation if you are invited to it.” And Abd Allah ibn Umar used to accept the invitation whether to a wedding banquet or to any other feast, even when he was fasting. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4884)

    Due to the above and other narrations, many scholars regard the acceptance of a Walima invitation to be binding, and one will be sinful for refusing it.

    The great Hadith and Sahfi’i scholar, Imam al-Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) has mentioned various opinions of the scholars in this regard:

    1) It is personally obligatory (fard ayn), except if there is an excuse,

    2) It is a general obligation (fard kifaya)

    3) It is recommended (mandub) (See: Nawawi, al-Minhaj, Sharh Sahih Muslim, 1080)

    In the Hanafi Madhhab, the preferred opinion is that, accepting a Walima invitation is an emphatic Sunna (sunna al-Mu’akkada), and accepting other invitations is recommended (mandub). This is in normal cases, for if there is a valid reason, one will be excused from not attending.

    Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:

    “The (hanafi) scholars have differed as to the ruling of accepting a Walima invitation. Some have stated that it is necessary (wajib), in that it is impermissible to refuse. However the majority of the scholars mention that it is a Sunna. It is better to accept it if it is a Walima invitation, otherwise (on other occasions) one has a choice to accept it, and to accept it would be better, because it creates joy and happiness in the heart of a Muslim.

    When one accepts the invitation and attends the party, one has fulfilled the responsibility, regardless of whether one ate or otherwise, although it is better to eat if one is not fasting……It is stated in al-Ikhtiyar: “A Walima is an established Sunna. The one who does not accept it would be sinful, for the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him& give him peace) said: “He who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” If one is fasting, then one should attend and make Dua, and if not, then one should eat and make Dua. However, if one neither eats nor attends, then one will be sinful….

    This indicates that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, contrary to meals and invitations on other occasions. Some commentators of al-Hidaya have declared that it is close to being a Wajib.” (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr, 6/349)

    In light of Ibn Abidin’s explanation, it becomes clear that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, and one must accept it. Refusing to attend will be offensive if not sinful, provided one does not have an excuse, and also that one was specifically invited to the Walima.

    Simplicity

    Finally, it should be remembered that, the simpler the Walima (and the marriage ceremony as a whole) is kept, the better it will be. At times, people spend thousands upon thousands in feeding people, a sum which can be used for other indispensable needs of the Muslims. And if the intention behind spending such an amount is to show-off, then this will be regarded a grave sin.

    The idea here is to feed people with sincerity and simplicity. If one feeds people with the simplest of meals but it is from the heart, that is far better (and the food is also more enjoyable) than feeding them quality food, where the intention is not so sincere.

    Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “The most blessed marriage (nikah) is the one with the least expenses.” (al-Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih).
    The Five Pillars of Islam (arkān-al-Islām أركان الإسلام; also arkān ad-dīn أركان الدين "pillars of the religion") are five basic acts in Islam.

    The Qur'an presents them as a framework for worship and a sign of commitment to the faith. They are (1) the shahada (creed), (2) daily prayers (salat), (3) fasting during Ramadan (sawm), (4) almsgiving (zakāt), and (5) the pilgrimage to Mecca (hajj) at least once in a lifetime.


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    Tanveer.shaeikh thanks for this piece of information. but i think after reading all this i can't find out the answer of which the brother have asked. may be you can tell him in one sentnce too.

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