Thread: Need a solution

- o Alikum

I am going thru a very troubled phase. I am seeking for help.
I am an Indian muslim and come from a conservative and religious family.
I started working around three years back and then my parents had started to seeking a suitable alliance for me.
We got many proposals, but nothing would materialise. My parents then started doubting if it would be the case of black magic.
So we consulted a Moulana and he did say that someone had done black magic so that I may not get a good alliance.
We got the remedies done. After that we had this proposal from one of my fathers aquaintance, the boy and the family came to meet me and my family.
His father had married twice since his first wife could not conceive. And the guy and his sister were the children of the second wife. Now both of them stay together.
and his father is no more.
After the meeting, he denied for the proposal saying that the girl is wheatish. So we let the proposal go. Then after a month, the guy emailed me and asked if we could meet again.
Since I stay away from home, I was hesitant. But after my parents approved, I met hiim and the next day he agreed for the proposal.
Though I was not much for the proposal, abiding by my parents wishes I agreed for the marriage, since my parents were very happy.
Later with due permission from my parents we started talking on the phone. On the second or the third day itself he started questioning my charecter.
He started asking me if I had any past affections. I denied and ignored the question. But then everyday he came with some or the other way to question the same thing.
This started irritating me. After a while he confessed that he wanted to marry a fair girl and he was compromising on my complexion by marrying me.
This triggered out my paitence and I called off my engagement that was due in a week's time. My father was though not very much in favor of calling this out.
Rest of my family did support me. Then the guy started to convince my parents that it was his mistake and he wanted to correct it. And that all that he said was in humour.
But the things he said about the past affections, I know he was very serious because he had very seriously said that such things mattered to him a lot.
Later he convinced all my family members, called them up, cried before them and my father gave in. I did not know when my father committed that he was ready to go ahead with the proposal.
Only after the date of the engagement was decided, I came to know about it. I was first of all not very much intrested in the proposal and after all this drama, I really was against this alliance.
But my father would not listen and he stopped talking to me for three months. I have alwaz been a obidient kid and never even asked twice if my father denied something.
My mother was also rude. I tried convincing her, but she too wont listen. My eldest brother alleged me of having an affair with some else and that I had gone charecterless and that's why behaving this way.
I got engaged. And then hell broke loose for me. with the very thought of marrying him, I started developing depression and started having panic attacks.
I started loosing my health. But still my parents did not budge. I then thought of giving it another try. So we decided to talk and sort things out.
Firstly things were fine, then again he started passing loose statements. Statements like "U have tricked me once, I wont let you do that again" and all started to crop up.
Once towards nearing the date of out marriage, he asked me if I could accompany him to see the flats that we could consider shifting in after marriage.
I asked him playfully tat if it was fine if I wore denims when I come to meet him ( I dint wear them then before marriage). He said a statement which today till date makes me feel ashamed of myself.
He said "Its fine if you will wear denims, the broker may give me a discount of 2K to 3K bucks". I was shattered to the core, that someone could talk so loose about his would be wife.
I still wanted to call this wedding off but since my parents were not supporting me, I married him.
After marriage he digged out my emails, chat histories and started qustioning me. Also he once put a hot iron on my face when I was sleeping , since the iron was steam iron, the steam blew onto my face.
When asked he says he was kidding and dint know that the steam would blow. Again a week or two later he did the same thing he put the hot iron on my hand again the steam blew and my hand was burnt.
He gave me the same excuse. Later once when I was working late in office and did not pick up the call due to other client calls, he did not open the door for me at 12 at night for 30 mins. I was ringing the bell, calling him, but he did not open.
These all things have led me to hate him. He does take care of me when I am not well, but I know that is out of guilt. I am continiously detoriating and suffering from chronic depression. My parents stills support him. When I told them the iron incident they said he might be really kidding ignore it.
My second elder brother is the only one who supports me and we came to a conclusion that things cannot continue this way and I need to walk out of the marriage
But my husband pleads that he loves me and will try to change, till date there is no improvement. My parents have now started to think that I am possessed and taking me all kinds of people who claim they can treat this.
In this course once my husband also said that he was thinking of taking a revenge when I initially called off the engagement, since I tainted his image before others.
My parents blame me saying that they should not have had a daughter like me and my eldest brother says am a curse and am spoiling the health of my parents.
I still dont keep well and still take anti depression pills.
Whenever I talk to my parents of seperating they tell me that I will be held responsible for breaking this marriage before Allah. Also that I am not abiding by Allah's decision.
Lest I know for sure there is a Hadith quoting that the marriage is not valid until the girl has approved.
I dont like him and dont wish to stay with him.
I am scared that I may be wrong and disobey Allah.
Please help.